Lately.

Not too much has gone on since I last posted, which I need to get better at, by the way. Colton and I celebrated our little one year anniversary on December 29 which was nice. 

I'm living back in Provo which I'm both happy and sad about. I'm glad I'm here with Colton before he leaves but I just feel kind of like a failure. Disappointed in myself, I suppose.

Let me explain.

I'm working for Dad for a while, but I'm not currently doing school. I may start some online classes and things but my problem is simply that I have no idea what I'm doing. I tend to hold myself to absurdly high standards so what I'm doing now doesn't feel like enough for me.

I have things I want to do, very specific goals for my life and the direction I want to take it in. But nobody but Colton really seems to understand or support them. So I'm really just at a loss.

I'll admit going to school for Fashion Merchandising or Visual Communications and going to work in Philadelphia at Free People's home office isn't exactly a super practical goal. I realize that it's pretty far fetched and probably more specific than is realistic, but it's what I would love, more than anything, to do. 

Fashion makes me happy.

Free People makes me happy. Because I feel like I'm allowed to be myself there.

So at what point do you just say "screw practicality" and go for what you love?

I guess that's where I'm at right now.

And it just frustrates the hell out of me.

But nobody will just listen. Maybe THAT'S what frustrates me most.